Good day Team Twisted, another day, another twist….I hope this finds you having a great day and a splendiferous week so far….I was trying to think of what topic I could write about next since my head is always filled up with massive, random thoughts until I was at the doctor’s office this morning and my topic fell right into my lap! I was sitting in the waiting room, minding my own business reading a magazine and mind you, it is major early in the morning so I was barely awake. I see two black women come in the office, sign in, and sit down. They glanced at me and I smiled, and they in response, looked me up and down, then glared back at me. Now, I am sure many of you have experienced this one way or the other at some point and I am still baffled to this day as to why women (in my experience particularly black women) hate other women? Now I am not just restricting this to black women as I am sure this spans across nationalities and ethnic groups but either way it makes no sense. Now I am from the north so naturally we do not always speak to other people out in public, but down here in the south people make a point to at least say hi to you when they pass you and I have adopted that mentality. How can a person who does not know who you are have an attitude when they see you? Is it an instant dislike? Do you compare yourself to that person and conclude you are better? It seems like when a woman walks into a group of other women, that’s when the head shakin’, tongue waggin’ begins and what I like to call unnecessary hate-tinis (a martini mixed with a splash of haterade). I don’t see many men acting the way that we do, just women…..now I can’t even front, I have done that before and am a tad bit guilty of drinking my own hate-tini BUT I immediately had to check myself because I did not even know the woman I was gritting on. It was like a subconscious act that boiled up in me without notice. It’s almost like when a woman comes into my vicinity, my random haterade radars go up and I am looking at her clothes, hair style, face, and thinking hmmm….

What that being said, we need to break this issue down and handle it, because all too often I meet women who say,”I don’t have many female friends, just men because I can’t get with most women,”  “I can’t keep females as close friends, just doesn’t work out”, or “Women have too many issues and too much drama and that’s exactly why I don’t mess with them!” We have enough factors weighing against us as women, we don’t need to self destruct from within on top of it! Now I can thankfully say, I have some great friendships and best friends who are women and some friendships are nearing the 20 year mark, but I have experienced (and at one time caused an experience) of woman hating. So, let’s think about some possible reasons why women can’t seem to get along:

  • Is it jealously?
  • Too much time and focus spent on sowing discord? spreading gossip and judging?
  • Do women feel an unspoken competition with each other? seeing who looks better, wears better clothing and has better material possessions?
  • Is it because of our own personal insecurities or that we are too emotional?

Or could it be that women don’t hate each other, we just don’t trust each other because we think we know what we’re all up to. Let’s be honest, women can definitely be competitive against each other. We compete for the better career, better man and just better everything. Hate is a very strong word, but women in general, constantly strive for more. Women are brought up to be competitive. It isn’t really their fault…society tells them they should be pretty, be skinny, be popular, be fun, be one of the guys, be girly…there is just too much to name. Being constantly compared to other women breeds resentment and jealousy. Usually maturity sets in and they realize what is important and cease to be petty, now at what age this happens is relative to each person. Whatever the reason or cause, I think that women hating is just a woman thing… I think for some women, its woven into their DNA so much so that they don’t even realize that they are doing it!!

How do you think we as women can band together and start to feel genuinely happy for each other, not afraid or threatened to compliment and encourage each other? One solution I found to be helpful is the minute you start to feel yourself judging another female, find something about her to compliment openly. I guarantee you it will bring a smile from her and she just may return the compliment. Begin to reflect within yourself if there are things about you that you are unhappy with or wish you could change. Once you identify the issue, if any, then set about changing it. There are many things in life that happen to us that we can not change or control, but there are many things that we can control. Start turning those hate on hate relationships to friendships and you will be surprised how many strong relationships can happen as a result. If you feel satisfied and content with yourself, then there is no reason to hate on anyone else.

Stop ripping each other apart and let’s bond together to take over the world! Stick together, fight for each other, and the next time you feel yourself sipping on a hate-tini….put it down and instead pick up a glass of encouragement…you will be surprised at the results!

Until next time Team Twisted…..

LIVE, LAUGH & LOVE…..WITH A TWIST!!